stillmatic?:
so i've been listening to nas' debut album, from all the way back in '94: illmatic. i only have one question (but many thoughts) when i listen to this album again (its been awhile)--what happened? i mean, what happened to nas. he still has his verbal abilities, but the reason i wanted to listen to illmatic so badly was to make the comparison. i heard his current radio hit with those kids chanting the chorus "i know i can / be what i wanna be..." and listened to nas rap about how you can do whatever you set your mind to. he did have a "nyce" verse about african history though, i was impressed. anyways, illmatic hasn't come out of my cd player in my car. i think i finally understand it, or at least get it, because when i was a kid and listened to that disc all i wanted to do was be like every lyricist who had a decent deliverery or wrote clever rhymes.

i want to incorporate a docudrama, new wave, existential neo realistic (kind of like a long island iced tea) style of film into a story about street life in the ghetto. i thought about this while driving here. "belly" was good, but too overly dramatic (the last scene...are you kidding me?) and not realistic. i did like method man's character--god, who was always drikin' wine out of the brown bagged bottle. clever hype williams. "boyz in the hood" may be the only example i can conjure up that has a realistic portrayal, and also is extremely well done.

nick and i will journey up to our attic to write a screenplay later this month.
sauce will do the score and direct it, he will also star in it. he does not know this yet.

haven't scene the western film referentialist around.
still looking for that bag.
been working a lot lately.
but enjoying nature.

i miss andrea.

speechmess:

so last night there was a transaction. i thought it to be an illegal one. he left the bag and we went to intercept it. we couldn't find the bag. and the crackhead came later, thankfully he didn't find us snooping around. then a man yelled at a bouncer, turned to me, asked me to light his cigarette and told me "wasn't that cool man, just like a western." i will probably never see him or his poor, sad, lonely girlfriend again. unless he gets kicked out of billy's in the near future, or goes to see the iguanas next time they play there (who are the iguana's anyways? plus i hate accordian).
i haven't been reading all too much, but have been watching a string of films. cooley high, harold and maude, wild strawberries, kippur, closely watched trains, high and low.
i am withdrawn.
i have fallen for a woman.
nobody understands it because nobody knows. ha.
and i'm trying to get adjusted to way too many new things in my life.
i want my brother to come visit.
and i need to talk to sauce (i think about him everyday, does this mean i'm in love? no--i just miss him).
scientific experiments tonite.
she's nice.

it's funny like "ha-ha" cause i can't remember ever writing that last blog, man:

there's a cloud over grand rapids. its been overcast! since the day we set foot down in this city. we placed our bags and belongings in their respectable spaces and moved forth. today, i find myself pondering the clouds, in my head, in the air, i have a hard time separating the two, even when i'm indoors. my eyes are blurry and covered with layers of dust from a poorly maintained room (the dust gathers in my eyes when i sleep). plus i miss this girl.

but, all is well, right? i tell myself that, and that makes me okay. i look forward to the future in my home. it will be balancing.

skywalker. revolver stalker. removing myself in jabawawkee sherwalter.
speaking of nonsense, i'm immenous and repressed
separating two worlds with net thread and a fence.

speechless for success because what the words say in my head
a dreamscape of cheesed out methamphatmines of death
breath upon relation of the first
the foundation
breaking pattern function fiction in this catastrophic equation
a mathematic education in angle formation
is causing debatin' and has everyone waitin'
so waste him.

bright lights: jwm